thetet

"Fear Leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..." It's as if Master Yoda is inside my ear...reminiscing the young Anakin!

I can't concentrate, I'm in the middle of reading Accounting lectures for my review then suddenly a small ant reminded me of my lola in Pampanga, and how I hate my aunt and uncle. They were suppose to look after my lola. I am suffering...I don't remember hating anyone this much!!! I even feel like crying. I went downstairs to rent a pc just because... Instead of solving Accounting problems, all I think about is how much I hate them. I really don't think I could forgive them!!! I don't think how I can't forgiove myself!!! I know I am being OA again... All I write about is my lola... But hey, the primary reason why I have this on-line journal is because I can't express my feelings personally to anyone!!!! I can't describe what I'm feeling right now!!! I tried breathing slowly to release the heaviness I'm feeling, but it doesn't seem to work... I planned to go to church for a confession, but I'm not sure I'm ready. I'm sure that the priest would ask me to forgive them, I can't, at least not yet!!! I can't afford to be feeling like this when I have many exams next week...!!!!!